Canoodling
by Pesky Ixy Pesternomi
Summary: Response to Ouch Charlie's "83 Reasons To Have Sex" Challenge. Enjoy!


**A/N: This is a oneshot in response to Ouch Charlie's '83 Reasons To Have Sex' Challenge. I enjoyed writing this one, although it's totally unbelievable, well... for the most part :) Enjoy!**

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Harry had just gotten off of work for the weekend, and wanted nothing more than to go home to Grimmauld Place and kick back on the couch with a butterbeer while listening to a Quidditch match or something on the wireless. His feet were sore, he felt he hadn't had a square meal all month and since Ron had turned in his resignation to quit his career as an Auror and start a new life for himself, working at the Hogsmeade branch of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, Harry felt he didn't have a single friend in the department. He knew Ron and Hermione's break-up would have a serious effect on them all, but he had not been expecting Ron to pick up and change every little thing about his life. But being the good friend Harry was, he perfectly understood Ron's need to just... get away a bit, and if he was happy, Harry was happy for him. But nevertheless, when Harry apparated home, he shrugged his emerald green Auror's cloak off, kicked his boots off of his feet haphazardly in the front hallway, and wandered into the kitchen for a glass of firewhiskey, before settling down on one of the bar stools on the opposite side of the high counter, and waved his wand at the wireless to catch some of Lee's show perhaps.

_"Broadcasting live from above Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, you're listening to Magical-Lee on 98.6, The River. Now, I'm sure many of you enjoyed the Puddlemere v. Falmouth game this past Thursday night, but if you had a look at this mornings Prophet, you'd have seen that another er... show was going on under the bleachers. While the Prophet did not release the names of the witch and wizard caught canoodling at the game, I'm proud to say my superior sleuthing skills have come out on top once again. I have, at this very moment, the elusive pair sitting in my studio ready for an interview."_

Harry looked dumbfound for a minute before grinning, this was rich, just the type of thing Lee would feature on his show. He'd have to find a copy of the morning's Prophet, just for the laugh.

_"Now I've been told I'm not to release the actual names of the Sexcapaders, so I'll just refer to you as Horny Harold and Skanky Sally if you don't mind." _

_"I don't appreciate the Skanky bit, can't we go with Sultry or something?" _An extremely familiar female voice came through Harry's wireless, he couldn't place it though, so he turned the volume up, listening intently.

_'My apologizes miss, Sultry Sally will do just fine." _Lee laughed. _"Now if you don't mind me asking, what exactly was it that compelled the two of you to miss out on what I'm sure was a game worth attending?"_

_"Well, we hadn't seen each other in quite a while you've got to understand, we dated while in school, and I suppose the reunion got to my head, I just wanted to feel connected to him." _The giggly female voice responded, and a light went off in Harry's head.

Lavender Brown!

Harry's jaw dropped and he began laughing so hard that tears came to his eyes, she always was a bit of a tramp at Hogwarts, but he never would have imagined she'd go and get herself caught, what was it Lee called it? Oh yes, _canoodling_ at a Quidditch match.

_"Now wait a minute, that isn't exactly how it happened." _A male voice responded. _"While she's right that we did, er... date in school, it wasn't all that kind of a reunion. To be perfectly honest, I hadn't had sex in a while and was in a right state, you're a man Lee you know what it's like to be horny, I remembered her being rather good at snogging in school, but we never went all the way, and I was just curious as to what she was like in bed."_

Harry almost fell out of his chair. He'd know that voice anywhere.

_"Well I never!" _Lavender exclaimed, insulted. _"Well then, I take back what I said, I'm just addicted to sex and you were there, it was awful by the way!" _She exclaimed.

_"You and I both know that's a lie, what with the way you were moaning." _Ron replied laughing.

Harry was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe, he really hoped Hermione wasn't listening to the wireless right then. It seemed as though Ron was bouncing back splendidly in comparison to the last time Harry had seen him.

_"Now, when I picked up the Prophet this morning, I just knew I had to find out who exactly it was they mentioned in the article, it's nothing I'd ever heard of before. Why wasn't it that you couldn't find somewhere more private?" _Lee asked, sounding extremely amused himself.

_"We were caught up in the heat of the moment!" _Lavender exclaimed.

_"I didn't want the crazy broad knowing where I live." _Ron insisted.

_"That is utterly horrible of you, I never would have agreed to this interview had I known you were going to be so insulting, you git!" _Lavender exclaimed, and a loud bang was heard over the wireless.

_"Well, I suppose that's about the end of our interview folks, I can't exactly interview Harold and Sally if Sally's gone." _Lee laughed. _"But I mean seriously, what in the world was going through your heads?"_

_"To be perfectly honest, I've recently gotten out of a rather long relationship, it isn't typical behavior of me, but the opportunity presented itself. I'm glad you asked us to interview today though, she'll not want to speak to me for a long while, and she always was the craziest girl I've ever been with." _Ron explained. _"I'd had a fair amount of firewhiskey at the game myself, or I doubt I'd have been as willing to go off with that one."_

Harry couldn't believe his ears, he'd never heard Ron be quite so callous before, but at least he was enjoying himself. Harry supposed that's what a tough break-up would do to a person, besides, Harry hadn't heard anything quite so hilarious all week.

_"I've just one last question for you then, Harold, before we wrap this up."_

_"Alright then, fire away."_

_"Was it good?" _Lee laughed.

_"Fortunately." _Harry could hear Ron grin through the speakers.

_"Fortunately he says!" _Lee exclaimed. _"Now I've had some pretty entertaining interviews here on my show, but this beats all. I expect I'll be getting some raving letters in after this one Harold, I'll forward the ones directed towards you, you male chauvinistic pig. That's all we've got for you now listeners, but have a listen to the latest single from The Grim Fairies, 'Amortentia Couldn't Make Me Love You.' You've been listening to Magical-Lee on 98.6, The River. Tell them all bye Harold."_

_"Goodnight all!"_

Harry's early complaints about his week at work were all gone now as he grinned over the unexpected interview. He would definitely have to have a chat with Ron over the weekend.

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**A/N: While I know Ron was OOC, I had so much fun writing this, I can't bring myself to care. I laughed to myself for a good thirty minutes when I first had the idea to have Lee interview two people who'd been caught having sex, and then I just thought Ron & Lavender would be perfect for it. I hope I made a few of you laugh as well with this. R&R.**


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